No, you murderous, space-nigga. We ain’t alright. I will probably never be all right again. Avengers Infinity war was a straight-up disrespectful, fucking movie. Now, anybody who has ever seen an Iron Man or Avengers movie knows that Tony Stark AKA Iron Man is a total rich, obnoxious, conceited asshole whose people skills need about a thousand years of work, and somehow despite all of that he forms a special bond with the teenaged Super Kid Spider-Man.
Now, I have to admit that I haven’t seen any of those recent Spider-Man movies so the
only time I’ve been exposed to this new Spider-Man is during these Avenger movies where he is being portrayed as a sweet, sort of naive kid who Tony Stark tries to protect even while he treats him like an annoyance. Tony even went through the hassle of designing a little spider suit for the boy with spider themed functions and everything. How many other people has he designed suits for? As far as I know, maybe just one other, and not with the functionality or design that Spiderman’s has… And definitely not as personal and specific.
From Thanos doing the M’Baku death-drop of Gamora over the rocky mountain to Dr. Strange having a little soft moment with Tony Stark that was actually emotionally moving for me… Until the end when Doctor Strange reveals why he did what he did. But, and that moment, I really did think that doctor strange had magically become fond of Tony Stark. Little did I know this story would get a major plot twist. Also, despite Tony’s over inflated head, he really does have a heart of gold and is willing to sacrifice everything for the greater good. Including his own relationship with Pepper.
But Marvel, y’all ain’t allowed to kill off 57 super heroes in one movie. I don’t even fuck with Marvel like that and I’m UPSET. 😭😭😭 I think the sheer number of people who disappeared that I have made some sort of connection with over the century or so that Marvel has been making movies is what really got me. Also, that all-powerful witch-girl makes a very interesting character.
Some last very emotional feelings: ya’ll ain’t have to do Spider-boy like that. 😢😢 Hims just needed a father figure! I was really getting into the idea of Iron Man figuratively adopting spider boy. Especially given how tragic little spider boy’s backstory is, in general, I mean. Really, given how tragic both of their backstories are–filled with murder and violence and loss–it was a very thoughtful pairing to give these two a deeper connection.
“What did it cost you?”
“Everything.” 😳😳😣😣. Fuck you, ya purple space gremlin!
I liedddd. I’m not done yet!! Here… we will talk for five seconds about the theme of “everything costs something” or… the cost of power. Did Thanos not think that in order to achieve god-hood, that he’d have to make a sacrifice of his own? Has there ever been anyone anywhere who got everything they strove for without giving up…everything? Did he think that he’d be an exception? Probably so. He was an arrogant fuck, as all super-villains hellbent on murdering billions of people and recreating the world into however they feel it will best function or suit their own needs. I must say that Thanos had a very solid reason for doing what he did… but, I still can’t get behind offing half of the universe to save people from their self-wrought destruction.
That’s probably another thing that isn’t talked about enough. How fucking real the idea is that people (aliens, Kryptonians, whoever) will run out of resources if they keep multiplying and advancing. Reducing the death rates and extending lifespans is not without consequences. There should definitely be some sort of before Thanos destroyed half the universe and wrecked the fuck out of the Avengers, this is what he was doing movie. You know, like those tidbits of backstory we got on him during Infinity War, but…3 hours long. Seeing his slide into accepting his role as a necessary evil would be fascinating. Like…the Criminal Minds of comic book movies.
But did y’all see M’Zaddy? M’Bae-ku? 😍😍 don’t lie and say your heart didn’t stop when he finally came on screen. So when is that fine ass man going to get his own movie? If we’re going to talk about what’s really important in this world that needs to be improved upon…Marvel can be improved upon by but making a movie about M’Baku and his tribe. It is sure to do well in the theaters because all of Winston Duke’s newly loyal, rabid, and thirsty fans who will be out there (at the movie theaters) having a lust fest together (myself included).
Alright, to everyone who is probably as traumatized as I was…until I thought about the ending again. Remember, it’s the only way… Or there’s no other way. Whatever the fuck he said. “He” being Doctor Strange. I’ve only seen the movie once, so I might have missed some of the details, but we can still have our community cry until the next Avengers movie comes out…Or until Winston Duke blesses us all with a movie of his own.